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I’m huge on spirituality and energy. People who’ve just met me can’t help but shake their heads or roll their eyes when I talk about the universe, souls, vibrations, energy, and auras.
Truthfully, I used to be a tar-black soul. I was angry all the time, and my life always seemed terrible. Bad things were always happening and I never seemed to catch a break from any of it. I was constantly struggling with money, perpetually unhappy, and forever wandering as an adult dreading the unknown future.
In retrospect, my life is now “better” in some aspects and “worse” in others, if I had to put it in the words of the old me. But new me learned to let go of all negativity and give myself no other option but to be positive.
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All of the negativity in my life was a result of being in a toxic relationship, having toxic friendships, and generally just being around toxic people who made me feel awful about myself. This sort of energy drained every ounce of confidence I had and made me second-guess everything. I would only do or say things that gained acceptance from others – I wasn’t living for myself, and I wasn’t happy. Then, when I lost pretty much everything in one fell swoop I learned that hitting rock bottom was the only way for me to finally look up.
I lost my job, my health, my money, my friends, my family, and my home. I lost everything that society deems to be of most importance – security. And through losing all of these things, I realized that the only thing I had was my physical body and my spirit. These were the only two things I had control of at this point.
My life crumbled, and very quickly, like an avalanche. However, the person who started it all was me – I was the one who actively steered my life in a dark direction by entertaining the negativity that was seemingly in control.
I started blogging.
6 months later I can’t believe how much has fallen into my lap throughout my short blogger experience. I could cry over and over thinking about how blessed I feel, but what makes me feel practically invincible is this one thing:
I made this blog from the ground-up. And I did this to make myself happy because I felt at rock-bottom this was my spiritual lifeline. I was a loser in society’s eyes because here my friends were, graduating with degrees, getting paid salaries, having kids and buying homes, and I had none of that. I just had the clothes on my back, my dog, a couple hundred bucks, and all of the skills I obtained from previous work experience.
The creation of my blog was like a brand new seed planted in my soul. Each day I cultivated it until this baby plant sprouted like a giant bean sprout from the depths of that rock-bottom black hole I seemed to have fallen in. Each day I nursed it until it grew and carried me out of this dark pit of negativity.
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Many people think that the concept of manifesting is as simple as writing your goals and dreams on a piece of paper and hoping that one day these things will magically come true. I consider that wishful thinking. To me, manifestation is a combination of 2 things: 1) believing that said goals will happen, and 2) doing everything that you can in your power to make said goals come true. My blog didn’t magically go live on its own – I built it from nothing, and it took me hundreds of thousands of hours to create.
Despite the sacrifices, this blog has been given me the chance to not only make a livelihood from it but also the ability to make a life. I set a time frame for myself to land sponsorships by February, and it happened. I’m working with brands I’ve never dreamed of working with and am now getting compensated for writing about things I love. This, to me, is a dream come true. I’m slowly feeling that release from financial burdens, and I feel like I can resume living my life the way I want to.
And it happened. Brands started flocking to me, and my email pitches received enthusiastic replies. Pretty soon my room started to become just as flooded as my inbox – it’s now cluttered with sponsored products. I now spend a solid 2 hours every morning responding back to emails, and my doorbell continues to ring for more deliveries.
There were a lot of things I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to afford after February, but I forced myself to believe that they would come to me. And they did, conveniently packaged and delivered to my front door.
And don’t even get me started on my tax filing. I didn’t expect to receive three times as much in return as I expected, but the universe listened to my demand for money by February, and it came. This money will be able to cover my bills for the next few months, so now I can focus on blogging without the stress of having to make ends meet.
Sure, I don’t live in a mansion, but I have a place to live in now. Sure, I’m not a millionaire, but that doesn’t mean I will never be one. You can’t have a million dollars without a single penny. I’m currently taking baby steps towards my dream, but so far these baby steps have been so fulfilling and exciting.
There was a story I read in the little red book called It Works: every day, too many people do things like look at their dream car on the street and say, “I want that,” but then continue about their day, taking no steps to actively achieve that dream.
This is where manifesting comes in. To manifest a dream into reality, you must first believe that you will obtain your dream, no matter how impossible and foolish it sounds. If you continuously believe in it, things will “fall into place” because you will start to take steps toward achieving it. You cannot fail to reach your destination as long as you continue moving forward.
I now live my life according to It Works just because it condenses this concept into a 15-minute read, but Think and Grow Rich is packed with inspiring stories of millionaires who utilized this one concept of manifestation. The Secret dives more into the “science” behind it (if you can actually consider this a science more than it is a spiritual concept).
Of course, if you’re the type to read a quick Internet article instead of sitting and reading an inspiring book, then the Huffington Post has a piece on manifesting your desires.
I’m definitely nowhere near the full image of my dream, but these first couple steps are definitely a sign to me that the law of attraction and manifestation definitely exists. I will report back to you about it when I’m living that dream (notice I used affirmative words like “will” and “when” instead of “probably” or “hopefully”. Changing your vocabulary is a huge step in the right direction).
I saw something a while ago on Instagram that made a lot of sense to me and has stuck with me since then: “One day, or day one?” What’s it gonna be for you?
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Tbis is such a great Post sister. I love it. You are not a loser to me. You are my daily inspiration and I appreciate you. Xoxo
Thanks so much sister from another mister! <3
I have to say Aileen, you write beautifully! It’s very inspiring to read about your story!
You always make me feel so motivated to do more, and you’re always so nice and helpful! So glad I met you (albeit only virtually) 🙂
xoxo Tina | http://www.ofleatherandlace.com
Aw thank you Tina, I’m so glad we met too! We’ll definitely all meet up soon!
Awe….a poignant and insightful read. I love it! Thanks for sharing. Now….how do I get my doorbell to ring incessantly from deliveries? 😉
Soon, mama-san, soon! You’re on the right track!
Hi Aileen, love your blogs and your Life! You are Amazing! Aveda has bloggers like you, I just heard about them and thought of you:) can you google them too? If not I think I wrote there names down and there at work. Lets catch up on texting xoA
Hey Amber, thanks for stopping by and thinking of me! I’ll definitely look into this – text me! Miss you!
Talk about inspiration! As a new blogger, I’d say you’ve made amazing progress in just 6 months! Going to need to snag one of those books and readn up. PS, love your blog name!!
Thanks so much for the kind words, Jen! Hope you like the books!